Extracurricular Activities in a Parenting Plan

Extracurricular activities play a substantial role in many children's development, providing opportunities for learning, socialization, and personal growth. In a co-parenting situation after divorce, managing these activities requires clear communication and cooperation between parents to ensure that the children can fully benefit from their participation. It is also important to avoid resentment or frustration about these types of activities that arises if co-parents don’t handle them well.

Like most parenting decisions, if you have joint decision-making (joint legal custody), major decisions regarding extracurricular activities will likely be made together by both parents. This includes determining whether the children shall participate or continue to participate in specific programs, such as:

• Sports Programs: Deciding on the participation or continuation in particular sports.
• Music or Other Lessons: Deciding on the enrollment or continuation in music lessons or other classes.
• Additional Activities: Deciding on the participation in other specific activities or programs as mutually agreed upon by both parents.

Decision-Making on Extracurricular Activities

When making decisions about extracurricular activities, each parent should provide the other with all relevant information about the activity under consideration. This includes the cost of the activity and any required equipment. You should also consider and make sure you understand the regular schedule for the activity, including possible additional commitments like tournaments, competitions, or tours, and the expected costs associated with these. Also be aware and consider the time and cost of any out-of-town travel associated with the activity.

This thorough exchange of information ensures that both parents are fully informed and can make decisions that best support the children's interests and well-being. It is often easier to handle ongoing extracurriculars that continue from before the divorce.  Starting something new after divorce can sometimes be more challenging.

These decisions should always be made in the children’s best interest.  For older children, their interest and desire should usually be considered in the decision.  For younger children, when parents often decide on the activities, you should attempt to be on the same page with your co-parent to avoid conflict. A parent should not enroll the children in activities scheduled to occur during the other parent's designated time without mutual agreement. This prevents conflicts and ensures that both parents can participate in and support their children's extracurricular activities.

Both parents are encouraged to attend, participate in, and be responsible for their children's activities, fostering a supportive environment. Even if it isn’t your specific parenting day, attending your children’s activities (like sports, music, clubs, performance, art shows, etc.) can provide opportunities for additional connection and help your child to feel supported. As long as you and your co-parent can avoid conflict at the activity, it is often comforting for children to have both parents at certain activities. Regular practices or attendance without parent involvement doesn’t require participation from both parents. But the bigger experiences, like games, performances, or other shows, are a time to show a unified front and be there together for the children.

Cost of Extracurricular Activities

Sharing the cost of extracurricular activities is an important aspect of co-parenting after a divorce, ensuring that children can continue to participate in enriching programs without placing an undue financial burden on one parent. Both parents should agree on how to divide the expenses for sports programs, music lessons, and other activities based on their financial situations and the overall cost of the activities. See module on Cash Flow and Children’s Direct Expenses. This may involve setting a predetermined percentage split or agreeing to alternate covering specific costs. Clear documentation of expenses and regular communication about upcoming costs can help prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both parents contribute fairly. Because extracurricular activities are not necessarily “required” for children’s well-being, these expenses should be discussed and agreed-upon prior to signing the children up for activities and costs should be part of the ongoing discussion between you.  By collaborating on financial responsibilities, parents can provide consistent support for their children's interests and development, promoting a balanced and cooperative co-parenting relationship.

Effective management of extracurricular activities in a co-parenting arrangement requires ongoing cooperation and flexibility. Parents should regularly communicate about schedules, potential changes, and any issues that arise. By working together, they can ensure that the children have a positive and enriching experience in their extracurricular activities, regardless of the parenting schedule.

Managing extracurricular activities in a co-parenting situation after divorce typically involves cooperation, clear communication, and mutual support. By sharing relevant information, respecting each other's time, and actively participating in the children's activities, parents can create a stable and nurturing environment that promotes their children's growth and happiness. Prioritizing cooperation and flexibility will help both parents remain engaged in their children's extracurricular pursuits, providing them with the encouragement and support they need to thrive.