Holidays - Scheduling for These Special Days

Crafting a parenting plan that addresses holiday arrangements can help ensure a smooth transition into post-divorce family life.  Holidays often prove to be particularly challenging because they can be the source of strong emotions and anxiety. This is all particularly true when there are children involved. Facing the fact that the holidays may never look like they once did can be a difficult thing to come to terms with. But it need not eliminate the possibility of regaining newfound joys at these times. It is often helpful to acknowledge the significance of holidays in family traditions and the emotional impact of celebrating them post-divorce.  

As you work through a holiday parenting schedule, you should try and put emotions on the sideline and establish a holiday parenting plan that has the best interests of your children in mind. Understand that this may mean sacrifices on your part, but working together will open up new opportunities for the holiday season that may be overshadowed if there is constant tension and fighting.

Do what you can to hold onto the most important traditions but also consider this time as an opportunity to start some great new holiday traditions for you and your children. Talk to your kids about what traditions may be changing but explain to them the excitement of starting new traditions. It can sometimes be difficult to keep your children at the center of the conversation.  Your kids shouldn’t run your social calendar, but when you are trying to resolve scheduling conflicts, keeping their priorities and preferences in mind can help you decide where to push and when to give in to a plan that may not be your preference.

Holiday Schedule Options

Regular Parenting Schedule

In the parenting plan, you have options on how holiday parenting time is addressed.  Some plans may be silent on holidays or align holidays with the regular parenting time schedule established in the plan. This can be challenging because these days are not necessarily the same as “regular” parenting days. Additionally, without additional parameters in the parenting plan, the holidays spent with each parent may be unbalanced between you.  Regardless of your overall parenting time, holidays could inadvertently fall to more than one parent.  For example, in a 2-2-5 schedule, whoever has Mondays would end up having all holidays that fall on a Monday, such as Martin Luther King Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, and Labor Day, which may not feel right to you.

Specific Holiday Schedule

Implementing a separate holiday schedule that supersedes the regular parenting time schedule, with holidays specified in advance, is a common method of sharing holidays.  This method can ensure both parents have some special time with the children and can help the division of holidays feel more balanced.  There are various considerations that may go into how the holidays are shared in this method but it would provide predictability moving forward.    

Method of Sharing Holidays

Others provide a method of sharing holidays in the parenting plan but do not actually dictate a schedule.  It may feel difficult to plan for holidays at this point moving forward.  You may want to settle into a parenting plan first and address holidays at a later point.  Or some families choose to spend some of the first holidays after divorce together with a plan to transition into separate holidays at a later point once they all see how the transition into two homes progresses. You can have a plan which allows parents to agree on holiday arrangements on a case-by-case basis, with advance notice requirements to facilitate planning and agreement.  You often want to think about this process and map out some terms, like when holiday schedules will be determined (such as 30 days in advance, quarterly, or on an annual basis). And it is often helpful to give some guidelines for the sharing in the decree, such as an intention that they be shared equally each year or over a two-year period.  This provides you both flexibility but also protection to share in holidays in a manner that fees right to you both.

Common Holidays

Here are some of the common holidays typically included in parenting plans:

• Religious Holidays
• Thanksgiving
• New Year's Eve and New Year's Day
• Fourth of July
• Halloween
• Memorial Day
• Labor Day
• Children’s birthdays
• Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
• Other culturally or personally significant holidays

Key Considerations

When working out the holiday schedule, take into account the unique preferences and traditions of each parent, the children and potentially extended family if you celebrate with them.  Address the logistics of transporting children between households during holiday transitions, considering travel distance and practical considerations. If you have a schedule that is going to be worked out as you go, emphasize the importance of providing advance notice for holiday arrangements to allow both parents to plan accordingly and avoid last-minute conflicts.

Take the time to establish a clear, detailed plan for what the holiday schedule will look like. If you foresee any conflict on this, the more specific, the better. Try to include things like specific times of each holiday and how transportation between you will occur.  A detailed plan will help avoid conflict and it will do wonders for managing everyone’s expectations.

As you shift into your new holiday schedule, consider the possibility of creating alternative holiday traditions or celebrations to accommodate shared parenting arrangements and promote inclusivity. By incorporating thoughtful holiday provisions into your parenting plan, you can create a framework that prioritizes the well-being and happiness of both parents and children during special occasions. Whether following the regular parenting schedule, implementing a separate holiday schedule, or agreeing on arrangements as needed, clear communication, flexibility, and mutual respect are key to navigating holiday-related challenges during and after divorce.