Right of First Refusal - If you Need Care During Parenting Time

The right of first refusal is a key element in many co-parenting plans, offering the opportunity for a parent to be with their children when the other on-duty parent is unavailable. This provision can enhance the parent-child relationship by maximizing the time each parent spends with their children and ensuring that the children are cared for by a parent rather than an alternative caregiver whenever possible. Let’s walk through the key considerations and options for incorporating the right of first refusal into a parenting plan.

The right of first refusal refers to a clause in a parenting plan that requires the parent who is scheduled to be responsible for the children to offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the children before arranging alternate care. This promotes greater parental involvement and ensures that the children spend as much time as possible with their parents. An alternative to the right of first refusal is that the parent who is scheduled to be responsible for the children shall be responsible for arranging alternate care for the children at any time if they are unable to be with them. This promotes independence between the households. However, many people feel like they would rather have the opportunity to be with the children before their spouse arranges alternative care. Ultimately, terms around the right of first refusal need to balance independence and connection with the children.

The right of first refusal is often implemented with some time limitations. Typically, only if the scheduled parent is unable to be with the children for more than a specified number of hours, they shall first ask the other parent to care for the children. If the other parent is not available, the scheduled parent will then arrange alternate care. The number of hours required before the right of first refusal comes in play can be adapted for your particular situation.  For example, if your children are young and you are going to need a babysitter after they go to sleep, it might not be appropriate to offer it to the other parent.  Such an exchange would just cause more complications and so you may want to clarify that the right is only based on waking hours.  Similarly, if older children can be left alone for short periods of time, then you might not want to offer the time if you are running to the store for an errand.  It is more common to have the right of first refusal go into effect after 2-4 waking hours depending on your specific circumstances.  

There is not typically an automatic transfer of responsibility when this right of first refusal is implemented.  If the on-duty parent is going to be unavailable for the requisite amount of time, they should offer it to the other parent.  The off-duty parent, however, can refuse to take the time if they are unavailable or simply don’t want to change the scheduled care.  If the other parent does not take the time, then the original parent will be responsible for finding alternative care. Parents should agree on a clear notification process. If a parent cannot be with and care for the children during their scheduled time, they must notify the other parent as soon as possible, but no later than a specified period in advance (e.g., 24 hours or more), except in emergencies. After notifying the other parent, if the care is going to change, the responsible parent should also inform the children to prepare them for the change in plans.

There are a number of benefits to implementing a parenting plan with a right of first refusal.  This clause allows both parents to maximize their time with the children, fostering stronger relationships.  Children benefit from spending time with their parents rather than with alternate caregivers, providing them with a sense of stability and security. But successfully implementing this provision requires and promotes good communication and cooperation between parents, which is beneficial for overall co-parenting dynamics. Note that as the kids grow older, the need for a right of first refusal may minimize as the children can stay alone as opposed to altering a set parenting schedule.