Communication and Information Exchange

Effective communication and the exchange of information are foundational to successful co-parenting after divorce. Establishing clear and respectful communication channels helps ensure that both parents remain actively involved in their children's lives and can make informed decisions that support their well-being.

Communication

Effective communication is a cornerstone of successful co-parenting following a divorce. Clear and respectful communication between parents ensures that important information about the children's welfare is shared promptly, fostering a cooperative and supportive environment. Equally important is maintaining open lines of communication between parents and children, which helps to reassure the children during this transitional period and ensures their emotional needs are met. By prioritizing effective communication, divorced parents can work together to make informed decisions, provide consistent care, and support their children's well-being and development.

To protect the children from the stresses of parental conflict and foster positive and respectful communication, it is important to be conscientious in your communication. When communicating with your co-parent, consider the following:

• Stay Focused on the Present and Future: Discuss current matters or plan for the future without dwelling on past conflicts, unless it is in a positive manner or in counseling or mediation.
• Problem-Solving Approach: Focus on solutions rather than problems, suggesting options that are best for the children and acceptable to both parents.
• One Issue at a Time: Address one problem at a time to avoid complicating discussions with multiple concerns.
• Respectful Interaction: Speak respectfully, avoid interruptions, and refrain from using critical, disrespectful, or hurtful language or body language.
• Avoid "Button-Pushing" Statements: Steer clear of statements that may provoke a negative reaction from the other parent.
• Use "I" Statements: Express concerns using "I" statements to convey feelings without blaming the other parent, for example: “I feel frustrated when . . .” instead of “You are frustrating when . . . ).
• Shift Negative Conversations: If a conversation becomes negative or difficult, change the subject to something positive or agree to resume the discussion later.

Additionally, to protect your children, it is typically advised that neither parent shall talk with the children about any aspect of the parents' separation or divorce, except to reassure them that both parents support each other in continued parenting and are working towards the best arrangements for the children. Having a unified message for the children can help them feel secure and stable and avoid parental conflict.  The children should also not be used as messengers.  They shall not be asked to convey messages between parents or report on personal information about either parent.

It is often helpful so regularly communicate with your co-parent.  In addition to sharing specific information, this communication may include informing each other about changes to the schedule that are not urgent. You can update each other on homework or share news about the children's activities, achievements, and interests. This may be a good opportunity to discuss significant changes in either the children's or your lives that may affect the children. And it is also nice to have regularly scheduled time to address any issues or concerns regarding the children and agreeing on joint discipline measures if needed.

If urgent matters arise, such as changes to the parenting time schedule, illnesses, accidents, or other emergencies, you should communicate to each other immediately via an agreed upon method, typically cell phone.  You want to make sure to always be available for these urgent matters but also recognize that you shouldn’t abuse this connection.  Give each other space and communicate respectfully as needed.  Parents should ensure they have each other's current cell phone number or another agreed upon method for urgent matters.

Finally, the children should have the ability to reasonably communicate with the other parent when not with them. This connection should be at reasonable times and in reasonable manners to maintain their connection and sense of security with the off-duty parent, while not burdening the on-duty parent or interfering with that parenting time. And each parent should have the right to reasonable access and phone contact with the minor children. Maintaining regular and open lines of communication supports the children's emotional well-being and helps them feel connected to both parents. This consistent access may be important for fostering strong and healthy parent-child relationships post-divorce. But it is also important to balance this time so the children can adapt to time in two homes without disruption.

Exchange of Information

Many jurisdictions have requirements on communication and disclosure in order to make sure both parents have full access to all relevant information about the children. You should review any local rules on the exchange of information.  Unless you have sole decision-making, each parent has the right to access and receive copies of important records and information regarding the minor children, including school, medical, dental, and religious training records. This also extends to information about health or dental insurance available to the children. You may need to coordinate the sharing of this information if you don’t both have direct access. This ensures both parents stay informed and involved in the critical aspects of their children's lives.

Both parents typically shall keep each other informed about the name and address of the school the children attend. In most instances, each parent has the right to be informed by school officials about the children's welfare, educational progress, and status. They also have the right to attend school functions and parent-teacher conferences, although the school is not typically required to hold separate conferences for each parent. This shared access to educational information helps maintain consistency and support for the children's academic development.

In the event of an accident or serious illness involving a minor child, each parent should notify the other as soon as possible. This notification typically includes details of the accident or illness, the name of the healthcare provider, and the location of treatment. Prompt communication in emergencies ensures that both parents are aware of their child's condition and can participate in necessary medical decisions.

To ease this disclosure, each parent shall provide directly to the other parent, as soon as possible after receipt, any and all of the following information about the children, unless alternative arrangements have been made for such information to be provided by a third party:

• School Report Cards and Evaluations: Sharing report cards and written or oral evaluations of the children's school performance ensures that both parents stay informed about academic progress and any areas needing attention.
• School Calendars and Notices: Providing school calendars and notices of parent-teacher conferences or other meetings with school personnel allows both parents to participate in important school events.
• Disciplinary Notifications: Informing the other parent about any disciplinary actions taken by the school helps maintain consistency in addressing behavioral issues.
• Medical, Dental, and Psychological Information: Sharing information from healthcare providers regarding significant medical, dental, or psychological concerns ensures that both parents can make informed decisions about their children's health.
• Medication Information: If a child is taking medication, the schedule and details should be communicated to ensure proper administration while under the care of either parent.
• Insurance Information: Providing current membership cards and plan descriptions for all medical and dental insurance coverage keeps both parents informed and prepared for healthcare needs.
• Religious Training and Participation: Communicating about the children's religious training and participation in religious rites ensures that both parents can support their spiritual upbringing.
• Activity Schedules and Evaluations: Sharing schedules for sports, music lessons, and other organized activities, along with any evaluations of performance, helps both parents support and encourage their children's interests.

By following these guidelines, divorced parents can maintain effective communication and information exchange, ensuring that both remain actively involved in their children's lives. This approach promotes a cooperative co-parenting relationship, supports the children's well-being, and fosters a positive environment for their growth and development.